i apologize if this is the longest entry ever.


i just missed the 11 p.m. express bus home last night. the 11:10 local didn’t show up till…11:45. the man in front of me at the port authority kept asking people if they were waiting for the 192, explaining in a put-upon voice that he had to go to the doctor in the morning, and now he wouldn’t be able to go because he’d be too tired.

yeah!? well i have a fucking interview in the morning, and you can bet your ass that i’ll be there and i’ll be tired.

at this point, i was feeling a bit homicidal. i had just had a long, drawn-out gchat argument with my husband, during which i ran to the restroom several times to have a good cry. i was at the sun at the time. let’s just assume that i wasn’t delivering my best work at that point.

the preceding few days had been a mixture of fun, weirdness, & exhaustion.

on friday morning, instead of heading directly to the nerve offices, i took the N to union square, wandered the union square farmer’s market (where I bought a round of kalamata olive bread that i proceeded to eat over the course of the day), had an a.m. caffe au lait & fruit salad at a cute little cafe, and then headed over to the movie theater to watch the heartbreak kid. i was reviewing it for nerve. it was awful. but it was a good way to ease my way into the day, slowly becoming more conscious in the darkness of the theater.

i felt pretty chipper by the time i had made my way to soho, where i typed up my review. i also got the lucky task of writing up little blurbs for two of movies’ best preppy villains from teen sex comedies — patrick bateman from american psycho and, um, whoever the hell david spade’s character was in pcu.

at 6, i headed over to the village to kill time before the super massive cuddle party i was attending. i tried to pre-game at a bar while some friendly neighborhood denizen chewed my ear off, but by the time michael eventually arrived and we had warily entered the lgbt center and changed into our pajamas, i was on edge all over again.

so apparently, it is possible for a cuddle party to be weirder than a full-on sex party. sprawled over blankets and pillows on the floor, we endured a 45-minute welcome circle, wherein we listened to the cuddle party rules, introduced ourselves to each other, practiced saying no to kiss requests, and wandered around hugging each other. eventually, freestyle cuddling commenced. both michael and i felt incredibly uncomfortable, but i was much better at hiding it.

a guy who had been smiling at me throughout the welcome circle approached michael for a chat at the snack table while i was in the restroom. upon my return, he asked if we had come together. “actually, we’re husband and wife,” michael told him. the poor guy looked flustered. “in that case…i’m not really sure how to say this, since you’re her husband and all, but…” he turned to me. “would you give me a massage?” i complied, actually incredibly amused by the awkwardness of the situation, while at the same time wanting to sink into the floor and disappear.

at another point, some guy cornered me by the snack table (okay, i love snacks) and mentioned that he had been admiring my pajama pants all evening. i was immediately super-excited, because my favorite part about this entire experience was that i was able to wear my cookie monster pajama pants in public. “they’re fuzzy too!” i exclaimed, like a maniac. “may i feel them?” he asked. “okay!” i said, proffering my leg. instead of a quick rub over the fabric, he slowly, over and over, commenced running his hand up and down my pants leg. i escaped by lunging for a carrot stick.

at the end of the evening, we decided to skip the puppy pile, and slipped out before the ending circle.

the crowd was incredibly open and friendly.

they terrified me.

the next morning, i watched blue lagoon, and then we rushed off to the site of alicia’s wedding so i could rehearse with the organist. he was unprepared and unprofessional and i was cranky. but the reception made everything better. after a free-for-all at the community club’s upstairs bar (there was no bartender arriving until later in the evening), we welcomed the newlyweds with “campaign” signs. nicely done theme, and very apt for them. then i danced the night away with my old tcnj crew and alicia’s hs friends, who have always been super-nice. michael, jessica, and i were also dragged into an avant-garde dance performance a la romy&michelle by alicia’s cousin’s girlfriend during “time after time,” which involved skipping in circles and twirling around each other and thrusting ourselves “defiantly.” alicia & matthew also played venga boys for me, during which i danced so hard that i had no energy for the remainder of the evening, and eventually had to leave.

sunday morning, i watched the return to blue lagoon so i could compare the sex scenes with the original’s for nerve’s film issue. i typed up a book review for pw. i sang at church. i went into the city and eventually had an emotional breakdown and now i need to leave to interview at a publishing-centric staffing agency that will be able to pass proofreading work my way.

instead of workin upon my return, i might nap before heading in to the sun again.


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