Yes, I Define Myself by My “Career”

18Oct07

the staff here at nerve is small and intense and cool in a way i wish i was cool. and they’ve created this modest media empire that i so want to be a part of, and i think i might cry when this internship of mine ends. 27 and an intern, and i don’t care. i could go on doing this forever, transcribing interviews and taking packages to the post office and drawing up excel spreadsheets, collecting my $25 daily stipend, and not care. because i’m so into what goes on here.tuesday, i came into the office on my off-day just to attend the staff-wide business meeting. and i sat there like i was being told the secrets of the universe because business plans and ad sales and content direction…? I just eat that up.

things are going well at the sun. it’s still chill and i still feel like the master of the universe (or at least the red pen). out of the three of us rotating proofreaders, i get the feeling that i am The Golden One. i’m laura’s go-to now, when she needs someone to play boss-lady in her absence. which makes me feel important, and helps pay the bills. it’s my primary source of income, actually, and i’m content there, but i must admit that the hours are killing me. once the end of my time at nerve near, i’ll need to rethink everything yet again.

i feel as if i’m shopping for a lifestyle rather than a career. then again, the two have always been synonymous for me. i’m like the absent father, the one who stars in moralistic plots driven by the battle between family and career. and i choose career every time. even though my career is undefinable.

i need to stop drinking this damn coffee. i can’t sleep at night.

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One Response to “Yes, I Define Myself by My “Career””

  1. 1 icagirl

    Coffee and Secrets of the Universe, all in one week – SCORE!!! Yeah, I know I don’t have to comment on every week, but today’s Thursday, and so I’m bored and reading about your life – which honestly could be a book, based on all the books I’ve read about chicks like yourself trying to find their way into a career, only to find themselves working a job they don’t really like to support themselves while they intern somewhere they love. But, usually, they don’t find love until the end of the book, so that’s the big difference.


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